also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
