He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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