My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
