bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
