Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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