dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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