so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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