Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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