I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
