nut hugger
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
