i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
