Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
