There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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