you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
