Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you traded sex for a burrito?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
