Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
