So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The power of my boobs compel you
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
