you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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