ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
