Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
