i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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