Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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