i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
