There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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