I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
