Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
