Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
