I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
