I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
