is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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