even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
