Umm I'm too high to move.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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