If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
