Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
