If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
