His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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