I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
