kristin has been a bad kristin
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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