perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
