were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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