I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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