Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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