Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
