captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
