How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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