shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
