I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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