It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What a dumb baby whore.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
