I heard we made out
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
