We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
pray to the hookup gods
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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