I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I puked a lego.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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