You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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