So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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