i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
