All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
