Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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