If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We need to get me chipped asap
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
